Thursday, March 5, 2009
Far From Her
The weather is calm, that day. Trees, birds and all, were glad as the soft breeze of nature, scattered everywhere. I was sitting in a park, watching the people as they passed by. Friends, families… all were wearing the expression of deepest content, as though there is hope glimmering around the midst.
In the middle of my reverie, she came. Sitting under a shady tree, she was smiling to herself. I was stunned and can’t move a muscle. Is this the love… at first sight? I tried to walk, but my feet are rooted in a position that I could only watch her. My muscles are not doing right and my brain seemed to be jammed that time.
Then our eyes met and lingered for a few minutes. My heart is on fire and I could feel my face going scarlet. I simply smiled but she kept looking at me… memorizing every bits of my face. Suddenly she beamed back. I could feel my heart explode with happiness. I looked down, cursing my feet. But when I snap my sight back to her again, she was gone.
That was the first time I felt that amazing sensation. Hoping for another rematch, I went back there. However, she wasn’t a shadow of her. I was frustrated. Still, I came back the next day and the next until weeks had passed, and unfortunately, there’s no sign of her.
I tried to give up once, but my head is contaminated by her memories. So to please myself, I tried to remember the way she sat under the tree, her facial expression and the smile… the gorgeous smile. It’s like solving a one million piece of jigsaw puzzle.
Is it over?
Months had passed when I found her there. Nevertheless, she wasn’t wearing the expression she got the last time I saw her. She was silently crying. All I want now is to comfort her… so again, I moved my feet so I can get close.
Then I realized; I was just… a stranger for her and she was for me. Who am I to cross the threshold? I was nothing, nothing than an obsessed man who fell in love with her loveliness. I backed out my left foot and then the right.
Once again, our eyes hit each other. The blazing fire that I felt before are now cold. Tears cascading from her eyes down the rosy cheek. I could not bear to watch her so I turned myself away and left without a word.
I never came back to that place again. However, the memories hunted me, especially at night. Did I do the right thing? It’s the question that continued to bugged me as the days died out. My lips always said, I did but there’s a corner, in my body, that always says… I need her. A corner in my miserable and worthless body…
My heart won.
So I went back, and felt the pleasing breeze on my face. And there, I saw her again. She was happy, judging the way she smiles and the sparkle of her eyes. The way she laughs with the man sitting beside her.
I did not show myself that day. I merely sighed and smiled. Did I do right thing now? I asked myself as I left. I guess I did.